When I was 15, my father died of a heart attack, and after that, I fell into a depression. When I was sixteen, I was at a party, and suddenly, my vision turned into tunnel vision, and my heart started beating faster than I had ever experienced in my life. My friends called an ambulance, and they took me to the hospital. They couldn’t find the reason for it. I went home a few days later and noticed tiny dots flickering on the wall, which got worse over the following days. A few days later, I also developed tinnitus in both of my ears. My mum took me to the hospital again, but they still couldn’t find anything. I couldn’t continue school or meet friends because I felt completely disconnected from my body.
At that time, Visual Snow didn’t exist as a recognized condition. There was just a forum post from 2006 where some people also complained about seeing tiny dots.
My father was a musician, and I had learned to play instruments since I was 4 years old, but I stopped in my teenage years. Since I couldn’t go outside, I started practicing again. It was the only way to get so focused that I didn’t notice the Visual Snow and the tinnitus. So, I practiced every day and went to music school. One day, my teacher told me that I was his best student and that I should pursue a career and study music. I was scared because I wasn’t sure if I could make it through university with Visual Snow, but I tried it. It wasn’t easy. I still didn’t know what condition I had and had panic attacks in the classroom, but after calming down, I went back to the course. I finished university with a bachelor’s degree. While the world was in lockdown due to COVID-19, I found a new band and started composing songs for the band. We played a few gigs, and the concerts got bigger each time. Our fanbase is growing, and we make decent money.
Of course, I wish I had never gotten this horrible condition, but I also think that if I hadn’t, I would never have started doing music again, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I still suffer and have trouble falling asleep, but Visual Snow will not make me give up on life.
